We must spend big, says Benitez.

Behh! Wrong answer. You should be spending wisely on young talent, who you can later flog off to the highest bidder.

Right now, without a TV and bereft of Five Live, we get all the footie highlights we need from youtube. And I must confess that I really don’t miss it all that much. It’s gotten stale for me. It’s not so exciting when you already know the score¹. And the last World Cup really killed it for us. What joy in watching a game where cheats and actors flourish? And apart from the tawdry purchase of LFC, Benitez has turned a team full of potential² into a collection of talentless oafs who play uninspired football. In fact, they may as well play American football because I just don’t care anymore.

I find myself these days spending more time discussing the woes of Gretna Green and their struggle to comply with the SPL mafia than discussing the glorification of Liverpool. P goes through phases of being dejected by Dundee United’s lack of spark, but he remains loyal. Is that the mark of a true fan? A local fan? Did I choose my team badly, not having lived in Liverpool? Does it count that they were the first team to inspire my interest in football? What does it all mean when you stop caring about your team, even if they are about to play in their second Champions League final in 2 years? Am I a bad fan? My blades no longer turn for my team.

What do you call an anti-glory seeker? ‘Cos that’s what I want to be.

¹ Which is almost always the case here, always waking up after the weekend games are over.

² I am, of course, somewhat biased.

Benitez doesn’t want him. And I don’t want him back either. He might be a good Shearer replacement for Newcastle Comedy Club (trademark the folk who write The Fiver at the Guardian) though.

Update: I meant to come back to this to write my thoughts about Liverpool’s loss/win over the minnows that are Total Network Solution, but nothing. Nada. Not one spark of inspiration. Instead, I was engrossed in the annual saga of “Will he stay or won’t he?” that has involved every home-grown talent from Liverpool for the last few years. Funnily enough, there’s a bit of a trend there for impressive talent, peaking in the early 20s, waning quickly (usually after 4-5 years of service), and a hurry to sell to the first chump squad that believes the hype. Honestly, which of the recent born-and-breds has succeeded upon leaving ‘pool? If anything, we’ve cursed Man City with the g’awful Liverpool B -side.

From BBC news: Liverpool get in Champions League.

I’m obviously not a true-Red ‘cos I think UEFA has been very generous in not only giving Liverpool the chance to defend their Champions League title, but also seeding them (though not going as far as putting them in the group stages). Now, a true fan would probably be having a good whinge about having to start at the very bottom. And the fans are blaming UEFA for the poor placing, FA for not giving us the fourth spot (double standards there, FA. you were willing to do it for Chelsea/Arsenal last season), and have forgotten that the true culprits are the members of Liverpool’s highly inconsistent squad. Failing to score in 13 Premiership games makes them more like mid-table teams than top flight. Also, have a read of what an FA twat had to say about UEFA cleaning up his mess for him (bottom of page). In related news, a huge sigh of relief that Dietmar Hamann is staying for another year. He has been one of the constants of LFC over the last few years, something that cannot be said for some ‘waste-of-space’s.

As a knock-on to all this kerfuffle, everyone must now feel a little sorry for the Liverpool B-side, who have been told they won’t be getting Liverpool’s spot in the Euro Vase after all.

Update: And carrying on the knock-on effects further north to Scotland, the shambles that is the SFA has turned the Tangerines’ blood red.

Technorati tag: liverpoolfc.

The best team in Europe, 2005!

Originally uploaded by framboise.

I cannae believe it! Liverpool have done it! Despite all my earlier pessimism, I’m on cloud nine. Even the prospect of a dull afternoon being interrogated at US embassy tomorrow was forgotten for the duration of the game.

Du-du-du-dudek! Du-du-du-du-du-dek… (repeat ad nauseum)
(There’s a silly wee tune for this; I made it up years ago.)

Even through the euphoria, I still think Everton worked hard for their fourth place, and deserve to compete in the Champions League next season. How UEFA are going to allocate Liverpool a place remains to be seen. Will some lesser known European team be deprived of their hard-earned place?

08 Jun ’05 update: Courtesy of the Fiver, I’ve just realised why this site has been getting hits from Google for Variations on a Theme of Dudek. Apparently, there’s some silly song going around by a-group-I-shall-not-name-for-fear-of-getting-more-such-hits. If you’ve come in search of the song, I’m terribly sorry. My Dudek song was composed more than three years ago, in recognition of his goalkeeping prowess (post-Westerveld and pre-Kirkland). As a salve for the disappointment, how about I send you here instead? (While there, you must check out the Chaplin-esque video. Fun for all.)

I might as well confess that I also have one for Edwin van der Saar, back in the days when Holland had a decent voetbal team. Hopefully, no other bandwagon-jumping pop group will release a stilly song about him.

Technorati tag: liverpoolfc.

COULD LIVERPOOL STILL PLAY IN BIG CUP?

Let’s be honest: if you took all the tramps, wastrels and bums that
loiter around Soho Square, sponged down their Tin-stained suits, and
gave them high-paying jobs at the FA, their decision-making couldn’t
be much worse than the current lot. And they might end up with less
egg and/or secretaries on their faces too.

Exhibit of FA incompetence No32371: having decreed yesterday that
Liverpool must finish fourth to qualify for next year’s tournament,
they forgot this contradicted a statement on their own website from
March 10 2004. “Should Arsenal or Chelsea win [Big Cup], they will
automatically qualify for next season’s competition, but England will
not gain an extra [Big Cup] place, even if they finish outside of the
top four in the Premiership,” it read. “In that scenario, the
fourth-placed team in the Premiership will play in next season’s Euro
Vase.”

Not surprisingly, the page was hastily removed by a Monster
Munch-eating FA techie (although thanks to the marvels of google it
can be viewed here).

Meanwhile, when contacted by the Fiver at 11am this morning, the FA
said it would shortly be making a statement. Five hours later, we’re
still waiting.

Of course when it comes to bureaucratic bungling, Uefa isn’t much
better. For article 1.03 of their Big Cup regulations seems to
suggest that Liverpool could be entitled to play in next season’s
competition if they beat AC Milan and finish fifth or sixth in the
Premiership. Or at least the Fiver thinks it does.

It reads: “At the request of the national association concerned, [Big
Cup] title-holders may be entered for this competition, as an
additional representative of that association, if they have not
qualified for [Big Cup] via the top domestic league championship.

“If, in such a case, the title-holders come from an association
entitled to enter four teams for Big Cup, the fourth-placed club in
the top domestic league championship has to be entered for [Euro
Vase].”

Admittedly, Uefa’s wording is nearly as woolly as a row of sheep at a
Liberal Democrat party conference, but you can imagine Liverpool’s
lawyers having a field day. “This could open a real can of worms,”
one legal expert told the Fiver, something we would venture to
suggest happened a long time ago.

Story attributed to Sean Ingle and Barry Glendenning.

What a mess.

And in other sour grapes news, Arsene Wenger has been sounding off against the Reds. While I agree with him that a team good enough to be in the Champions League final should also be good enough to finish in the top four of their local league, I think he’s a bit green-eyed in saying this:

“The European Cup has been a complete cup competition – like Millwall reaching the FA Cup final – and maybe we will have Coventry in next year’s final.”

“It has convinced me even more that you cannot make a priority of the Champions League. It has to be the Premiership.

“In the championship you have to be consistent and that is a real reflection of your consistency in a season.”

Just ‘cos you’re having a bad year Arsene-11-points-behind-Chelsea, is no reason to let loose with the verbal diarrhoea.

Technorati tags: liverpoolfc, sourgrapes.

Remaining Everton Premiership fixtures:

• 07 May 2005, Everton v Newcastle
• 11 May 2005, Arsenal v Everton
• 15 May 2005, Bolton v Everton

Possible draw with Newcastle, but probable win for Everton. Away to Arsenal will be quite tough; they lost heavily to the Gunners at home. Can’t guess at the Bolton result, but again, probable win for Everton. That gives them another 4 to 6 likely points (more if they beat Arsenal, of course).

Remaining Liverpool Premiership fixtures:

• 08 May 2005, Arsenal v Liverpool
• 15 May 2005, Liverpool v Aston Villa

Oh why bother. It’s not going to happen. Serves you right. Too many draws, losses to CP, Man City, Newcastle… It’s not like there was any killer instinct this season. Might be an interesting end to the season against AC Milan. Something to look forward to.

Technorati tags: liverpoolfc.